Daigo-ji, Kyoto. 2012
[from FB post: January 20, 2012]
Saw a great temple (Daigo-ji) and shrine (Fushimi Inari) today.... wow, Japan can be very old and VERY cool. Then again, while I had lunch today some boor beside me was talking about me IN Japanese right next to me as if I didn't exist. When I was in my 20s, this stuff made me nuts. Now that I'm 50 -- I just don't give a S..T. LOL
I credit Japan with one thing - it made me tough. I arrived in my mid-twenties to a city that had only recently been connected to Tokyo by bullet train where very few people spoke English. It was a true "sink or swim" moment in life. I rose to the occasion and I learned to read, understand, and speak enough Japanese to make life almost enjoyable. "Almost" because there was always the aspect of feeling on the periphery of everything - I hated that feeling.
One thing that used to get under my skin was people talking about me, in front of me, as if I didn't exist. It was a very good learning lesson in putting up with things I didn't like. More importantly I realized how certain groups of people in my own country must have felt all the time and how they amazingly learned to deal with the frustration. I understood, just for a few short years, a fraction of what it felt like to be Black in the USA and it infuriated me. I also experienced what it must be like to be a woman almost anywhere and that was equally difficult to take. The idea that other people were deciding everything FOR me, I had little control, and all of it was taking place right in front of me as if I weren't part of the equation was absolutely maddening. Although I did have a great time in Japan and I learned a lot, I spent much of the time angry and frustrated. I don't regret it - that anger and frustration turned into an armor that served me well later in life.
I feel gratitude toward Japan. The experience made me more empathetic to those in similar situations. It made me understand how much privilege I grew up with. Most importantly, it toughened me up. All that frustration living in Japan made me a stronger person and I have Japan to thank for it. So, when I returned years later and faced all the things that used to make me nuts, I felt a strange appreciation for all that I had experienced and had somehow transcended. I love Japan - it helped make me "me".